It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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