This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
