You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
