He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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