i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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