just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
