Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
