he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
