last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
