the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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