I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
