I bet he comes in French.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
