i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
