lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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