I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
