You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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