went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
