Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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