He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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