Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He better not be in your backpack
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
