I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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