so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
