So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
