finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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