this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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