So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
