I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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