Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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