Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
