sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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