I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.