Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy