he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him