this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
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Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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