i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
