i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
