Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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