You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.