i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.