Already got asked if we're dating
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
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So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.