You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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