Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.