I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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