It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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