Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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