There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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