Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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