I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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