I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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