you would pick up someone in the library
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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