im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
