so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
