you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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