had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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