A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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