i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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