So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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