I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize