my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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