The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
