the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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