ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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