Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
